Leading From The Heart

by Tracy Rosen, teaching & consulting since 1996, blogging about it here since 2007. All views are my own and you should take them with a grain of salt, I do.

Author: Tracy Rosen

  • Lessons that never end

    and really they don’t. Just when I think all is in order I get thrown on my ass again.

    Last week’s day in a sentence (hosted by Illya‘s EVO Blogfolio) was actually a year in a sentence and it called for reflective sentences on the year that is about to end.

    I left the call for sentences post open in my browser for a day or so. I’d stare at it, go away, stare at it again, go away again, until finally I typed:

    Learning about what is important to me ā€“ lessons that never end!

    Beaver Lodge
    Beavers don't build a lodge and they are done. It's constant – always building, adding and taking away – and necessary for survival. This picture and the lodge making story was found on Mon@rch's Nature Blog. Click image for source.

    It always seems to be this time of year when I lose my focus. It’s run run run all the time with teaching. teaching. teaching. This year in particular – my days are long. very long. I leave my house at around 6am and sometimes don’t return until 13 or so hours later. My dogs are loving this schedule (not) as am I (again, not). At this time of year that means that my down time is all in darkness. Yuck. (And I am getting tired of telling this story over again year after year.)

    For the past few weeks I have been an elastic ball of exhaustion, ready to snap apart at any noise, annoyance, divergence from plans. Not a good quality to have when a) I work with teenagers, b) I have 2 dogs and a cat who need more attention than I am giving them, and c) I am experiencing my first winter in my 100 year old home in the country. (stove pipe fell out of the wall last week, filling my home with smoke, on the same evening that my furnace ran out of oil, so I had to sleep with the windows open on a night with no heat in the house. Yesterday my pipes froze – apparently that can happen when you heat primarily with the (now-fixed) wood stove on really cold days. Really, this could be a funny movie if it were being filmed.) Oh, and d) I apparently have some health issues that my doctor wants me to check out in more detail over the holiday break.

    I met with my principal just before leaving for the break on Friday and he pointed out that he was worried about me, that I need to know I can speak to him before I completely burn out. That I need to remember to take care of myself. On Sunday morning my boyfriend held me in his arms during a bit of a …moment… after I had put the dogs into the veranda because they were driving me crazy running around the house and soon after noticed they had torn up a garbage bag I had forgotten to bring outside and decorated said veranda with its contents.

    So, what the heck have I learned this time that is important to me? Well, for one that it’s a continuous process this focusing on what is important shtick. That’s what they call keeping balance in some parts. One thing I sure learned in the past few days is that keeping people in the picture rather than on the sidelines helps everything else fall into place. When I was in my boyfriend’s arms he didn’t say anything but just let me blubber for a while until I found the words I needed to say. I get so frustrated with myself when I set myself up to fail, when I make choices that make my life harder than it needs to be –> Working and living so far apart. Putting the garbage bag in the veranda instead of directly out to the garbage bin. Not learning about the ins and outs of heating an old house in the winter. Not approaching people for help before I get overwhelmed.

    I may be a little bit hard on myself as well. Maybe. A little. The little upsets and failures are being measured by my out-of-whack yard stick for success. I was teased this weekend about being slightly ticked off that I received an overall mark of 97 in the course I took this semester.

    Time to reevaluate choices, create some of that hope for the future I’m always talking about. But guess what? I’m thinking of actually letting other people help me out with that. Novel idea, I know.

  • Day in a Sentence – Fitting it all in

    The other day I asked you all how you fit everything you need in to your life. Based on the responses, it seems the most important thing is to remember to pause and to remember what is important in everything we do. Things like family, quiet time, finding what is good. It’s not about scheduling and organizing, but about breathing and appreciating.

    Here is what you had to say:

    Linda704 – Iā€™m still trying to figure that one out, but I find that regular exercise helps me feel better about myself, which makes a difference in my productivity.

    Cheryl Oakes – Live each day making the lasting memories, it wonā€™t be the test you made, it wonā€™t be the bulletin board, it will be the conversations and connections.

    Sheryl A. McCoy – When I care for my own needs, Iā€™m present to consider the needs of others, so I look to myself as a window on the world.

    Bonnie K – Itā€™s a very thoughtful prompt and reminds me of a time when I worried about the anger of boys suffering from the divorce of parents, the pressures from friends etc. Itā€™s not just the things we have to manage but the tension from everything. As I retired, people started noticing how relaxed I looked, it was because of the pressure to get to everything more than the list of things I had to do. Life is easier when you have the control to choreograph your own day, week, life. Itā€™s so hard when you feel that you donā€™t have that control. I think the pressure is just increasing, and I think we need to create spaces to breathe, yoga,etc.

    Mary in Missouri – Breath, prioritize, family people first, duties later. Some things just will not get attention today-like dusting.

    Lynne Culp – We try, in our daily way, to move the world.

    Gail Desler – Tracyā€™s post has led me back to a question that I often wonder about and that most recently stems from my work in Title I schools: How do we bottle up resiliency and pass it on to those most in need?

    Kate – I have made peace with imperfection; doing so allows me to sleep at night.

    Aram Kabodian – Tracy,
    Your rant rang true for me. Iā€™ve had those days as a 7th grade teacher, too. Somehow, we laugh or sing or write our way out of those moments. Hereā€™s my sentence:

    The days are long and Iā€™m an early riser, so the 15 minute power nap is one tool that helps my quality of life later in the evening.

    Aram

    Mike – Hi Traceyā€¦ hope this finds you wellā€¦ā€¦

    ā€œThings which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter leastā€
    Goethe

    ā€ The secret of life is enjoying the passage of timeā€ ( James Taylor)

    be wellā€¦ mike

    Gail P – You have given us plenty to reflect on during an especially hectic time of year. I like hearing you talk about ā€œtime to breathe.ā€ We chase our tails into a real frenzy but always do best when we take things down a notch, breathe, reflect, and get organized, all the while maintaining a friendly attitude. So my sentence is:

    We canā€™t do it all, at least not well, so lets cut ourselves some slack and enjoy our moments of smiles throughout the day.

    Cynthia Calvert – Finding ā€œCynthiaā€ time and then giving myself permission to not have to finish a daunting task in one fell swoop allows me to breathe and get more accomplished than when I allow myself to become overwhelmed with all I must do before I go to bed.

    Amanda – Since I pretty well stink at maintaining balance, Iā€™ll talk about one of the little moments I had recently that helped reinvigorate me. In the library I inquired about a studentā€™s recent vacation and learned that she had made a movie about it. She said, ā€œYeah, you know how we did that story thing last year. I just did that, but um, I didnā€™t record my voice because that would be weird.ā€ Iā€™ll take it! Something from the classroom becoming part of her ā€œrealā€ lifeā€¦you bet Iā€™ll take it!

    Nancy – I remind myself, there is only one of me, only 24 hours in a day but many days going forward to get everything done.

    Kevin Hodgson – Life swirls around me as holidays and standardized progress reports (new this year!) loom right before me, but my wife and kids are always right there in tight focus ā€” as they should be. Kevin

    Heather Mason – I donā€™t know how to fit it all in, but I know that I have to recognize the small blessings as they come (the way my daughter thinks sheā€™s a dinosaur, the quiet compliments my students give, the Christmas lights starting to go up in my neighborhood) since waiting for the big ones can really burn a person out.

    Lynn Jacobs – Journal writing, taking photos, and walks along the riverside at sunset help me stay balanced.

    Thank you so much for these thoughtful responses. It was wonderful to read them as they came into my inbox over the week.

    Until next time,
    Breathe. Live. Love.

  • Call for sentences – fitting in what’s important

    Welcome to this week’s call for sentences, which will be collected right here in the comments section of this post. For this week only, the comments on my blog will be moderated so the sentences will be kept secret until IĀ  collate and publish them this coming Sunday, December (holy moly it’s December!) 6th.

    December 6th is a significant date for me. It is on that date, exactly 20 years ago, that a man went into a classroom at the Ecole Polytechnique, the engineering school affiliated with L’Universite de Montreal and shot 28 people. He killed 14 women, injured 10 more women and 4 men. He systematically separated the women from the men to kill them. He finished the evening by killing himself. We know why he did it. He did it because he was angry at the women for studying engineering. He called it an anti-feminist protest.

    This past summer a man went into a fitness centre in Pennsylvania and killed 3 women before killing himself. Again, we know that this was a man who was angry with women.

    I wasn’t expecting to write about Dec. 6, there is something about writing out that date that seems almost sacred, maybe it affects me more because I was a university student at a Montreal university myself at the time. I remember feeling very very vulnerable.

    Now I teach children who are about to start their post-secondary lives and I see the way that the girls are treated by many of the boys, the way that the music that plays in the hallways talks about girls, the ways that boys use words about women and their body parts to call each other out – to make each other feel weak and impotent.

    I teach Art, Ethics, Contemporary World Issues, History of Quebec and Canada, and Leadership. There is so much for me to orchestrate in getting the curriculum to my students in the short time we have together but I know that the curriculum per se is not the most important work I do with them. More importantly I want to make sure I teach them an understanding of the world they live in, how it’s not cool to hate women (or Native people, or Jewish people, or any other kind of person) and how to realize that sometimes (most of the time) its not even something we are aware of doing.

    My students also have their own individual needs, individual stories that need attending to . That absolutely need attending to before learning can happen. (as do all students that we all teach, in every classroom) No money, abuse, illness, sadness, fear, separation, self-medication – I hate the fact that I can go on.

    On top of all of that, I have things in my own life that I need to fit in to the day-to-day in order to keep my sanity, to be happy. My own schoolwork, my health, a new relationship, my dogs and cat, a new house with all of the responsibilities attached to it, remembering to send gifts to my niece and nephew for their 3rd birthday (which I forgot to do), getting together with friends, painting, knitting, reading, writing, laughing, running.

    So many things to fit in! How do you do it? (finally getting to the call for sentences :)) How do you fit in what is important and necessary for your, as my late Great Aunt used to say, virtuosity?

    Here is mine:

    A good night’s sleep and an early morning gives me time to breathe and think before the day fills up on its own – I need more of that so that this doesn’t happen.

    Tracy

  • rant

    I’ve made the decision to do something I have never done before and that is to remove a post. Well, actually, to replace it with this one. I have not been asked to do this by anyone, it is something I have decided to do on my own because, regardless of its intention, its results clash with what I feel is the right thing to do. I never intended to cause harm, to hurt anyone in its posting. It has and I’m truly sorry.

    The post was an in-the-moment response to some of the frustrations of teaching. Frustrations that I know others experience, as was evidenced by the number of, “I know where you’re coming from,” comments to the post here and in other forums.

    From the get-go, Michael felt I should ‘quietly delete’ the post, while others said no. Susan said that strong emotion teaches strong lessons. Others, that we (teachers) are expected to be devoid of emotion and that reminders of our humanity are needed from time to time. Others, that I should suck it up or leave teaching, that there are certain things I should not reflect on in my blog.

    So the intention of the post was to capture my emotion in the moment. I use this blog to record the successes and challenges of teaching for the purpose of reflection and feedback. I strive to be a reflective practitioner. I strive.

    I need to step back and look at the context of reflection. Since I began this blog about 3 years ago my audience has changed. It began as an audience of 1 (me) and slowly grew to an audience of a few (me and a few other teachers from other cities and countries), and more recently to a much larger (though still relatively small) audience of readers (teachers and non-teachers, including students, parents, and colleagues).

    Does this mean I will stop writing about difficult issues? No. Not at all. But I will do so with a sensitivity for a shifting audience. There are times when my readers won’t agree with what I say but my delivery needs to reflect the values that are dear to me – kindness, compassion, and doing no harm. Indeed, love.

    So, I haven’t been asked to remove this post or replace it in any way. But when I reflect on it and the reactions it received within the shifting readership contexts that widening social networks provide blog writers, it is the right thing to do. When I reflect on it and my mission to do no harm, it is the right thing to do.

    Tracy
    The great thing about learning is that it never, never stops.

  • On de-rubricizing

    I almost forgot about my favourite line from yesterday’s QPAT convention keynote speaker, Alfie Kohn.

    He said it as I was leaving the room so it didn’t end up in my not-live blog post but I just found the page where I scribbled it as I was making my way to my car:


    The whole can not be reduced to the sum of its rubricized parts!


    For a long time now I have been sceptical of the whole rubric frenzy. Must have a rubric, must have a rubric. Why? Why should we tell kids exactly what our expectations are and in such minute detail? I call that a creativity killer. Give them some parameters. If you are expecting the result to be some kind of multimedia presentation let them know that, give them the guiding question, maybe a few resources to get them going, to raise the velcro in their brains, but then let them experiment!


    Let them show me what they can do without spelling it out for them. Rubrics lower the bar for our students. It is telling them that we do not trust they can do anything worthwhile without our providing them with all of the pieces. Kids will rise to the bar we set for them whether it be high or low.I like to push the limits of height.


    A line that I find myself quoting on a regular basis is

    Why do anything unless it is going to be great. (Peter Block)

    I try to instill this in my students. They ask – why do I have to use proper letter-writing style elements in history when I write a letter to the King of France as a character from New France in 1665 offering ideas for how to stimulate population growth in the new colony? This is history, not English! I answer, why do anything unless it is going to be great?

    I insist on learning with this philosophical slant. That being said, I better get to my readings. I have a paer due next week on an aspect of education for Native kids in Canada. I need to do some more reading so I can write a great paper.

    Rubric, Shmubric.